I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry.

I heard a noise I couldn't quite pinpoint coming from down the hall. I was trying to get some work done. The toddler was busily doing something.

Finally it started to bug me, that noise. So I got up to check it out.

"Look mommy, I'm building a mountain."

That would be the entire contents of her dresser. On her floor. The noise I heard were the drawers closing.

I let out a little noise that was not quite a laugh, but not quite a choked back sob. I just took a picture of the mess and left the room.

She is quite pleased with herself.

I, however, might need a drink.

Thanksgiving

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving here in the States. It's going to be a strange one for me. My family of five is spread out this year and I'm having a bit of a hard time.

The tween left on Monday with his grandparents, to surprise his aunts on the east coast. It was a very last minute decision. He is having a blast and they are spoiling him rotten. I am excited for him; he is having wonderful adventures and the adults are enjoying playing tourist again, seeing their city through young, fresh eyes. But I miss him. The house is very quiet without his goofiness, his movement, his constant dialog of football plays as he uses the furniture as tackling dummies.

The teen is leaving this afternoon. He is going to Hawaii with his dad's family. I think he will have fun once he gets there (I hope), but he is a big ball of stress right now. He is missing five days of school next week and I think it might give him an ulcer (only partly kidding). For various reasons, he can't take all of his homework with him, which put a ton of stress on him this last week to try and get as much of it done as possible, while still working late at school for his journalism class (the paper goes to press soon, they've been at school until at least 8:00 all week). Knowing what is looming over his head when he gets back ... well, he's had a couple breakdowns. I hurt for him, knowing how much this is stressing him out. I wish I could help, but instead we just get the brunt of the freak outs. I am crossing fingers that he will find a way to relax and enjoy the trip, and not melt down again when he gets back to reality.

Man, this senior year is hard.

Anyway, it will just be the hubs, the toddler and I in the house for a solid week, without our boys. I am already wandering around lost in this quiet.

We are spending the evening tomorrow with my husbands family, about 40 of them. It will be loud, the alcohol will be flowing, the football will be on ... but it'll be different. Weird, not having MY little family together.

But I am thankful they are safe and happy and well taken care of. I hope the teenager finds some peace and relaxation in the sun. I hope the tween is distracted enough not to be sad. And I hope the vodka is cold where I am at so I can warm myself up with some liquid happiness.

I will leave you with a little laugh I got today from a friend on facebook. The 32 Rules of Thanksgiving Touch Football. My favorite is number 6: "A Nerf ball is okay but you should own a leather football. A leather football is one of the things every home must have, like a dishwasher and a bourbon distillery in the garage."

Happy Thanksgiving.

Saying goodbye to my soccer team

In a few hours we will head out to the very last soccer game that I will coach with my 18 year olds.

That's me. Doing my coaching thing.

I'm having a hard time with this. I've watched these kids grow up. I've coached them for five years, but even before that I hung around at practices, scrimmaged with them when they needed extra players, cheered them on from the sidelines.

Most of these kids have been part of my life for a very long time. And it's almost over.

This has been my first real moment of "this is it" with the teenager. We've shared soccer since he was on his first team at age five. Thirteen years of memories, and now it's about to be done.

I'm going to be a basket case.

But these are teenage boys and they don't want to see that. I have to figure out a way to hold it together while these goofballs that I love come together on the field for the final time.

I have to figure out a way to laugh and cheer and smile and suck it up. I have to  say goodbye to 17 silly, dopey, funny, amazing kids that have, for the most part, found a place in my "mom" heart.

Yep. I'm a basket case. No way around it. Goodbye's just suck, I have no profound words to get me through it.

*sob*

Update 10:30pm: It's done. It's over.

We had a great game (we won, 3-1), it was a lot of fun. It was a little physical (we drew our second yellow card of the season. Awesome.), the teenager made some AMAZING saves in goal. Some of the guys played in their pajamas, because we made a deal last season.

I made them cookies. They brought me flowers. We had a group hug.

And now we are done.

*sniff*

Life

The varying degrees of my day:

"Mommy," says the toddler, holding a coin, "do you want heads or Veggie Tales?" It took me a minute to understand she was trying to flip the coin and wanted me to call a side. Cute.

It's 35 degrees today. Everyone at school was dressed with hats and gloves and down coats. Not my tween. He was wearing basketball shorts and a t-shirt with an under armour underneath. I had to argue with him to get the under armour on. His sweatshirt was "in his backpack."

The teenager has officially applied early action to two schools. Applications have been sent to Georgetown and Northeastern. He is VERY excited.