My Happy

I've been a bit sad, overwhelmed, depressed ... very blah the last few days. I am having a hard time snapping out of it. It's nothing terribly serious, just the weight of the world seems to be sitting on my shoulders lately.

It sucks.

So, inspired in part by my friend Stasha's Monday Listicles, I decided to make a list of ten things in the last week that have made me smile. In no particular order.

1. Drag queens, jello shots and two hours in a lingerie store while on vacation with my bff.
2. Buying "more glitter than we've ever sold at one time" at a kids jewelry store in preparation for my upcoming "Dress As Your Favorite Sparkly Vampire" birthday party.
3. The endless laughter (with bff) while playing with said glitter, getting ready for our night out at the drag bar. "I'm going to use this every day."
4. After a weekend of intense discussions and sorting out life's problems, coming home to big, genuine hugs from the teenager, the tween, the husband and the toddler.
5. The teenager's excitement over going to see the president speak, and getting his first article published. Proud mom.
6. The text from hubs that read "[The tween] is cleaning the kitchen. Without being asked. I'm scared."
7. Driving home with my family of five one night, and the mixed look of horror and amusement on their faces as the toddler and I sing along to Wham! Rap (at the toddler's request). We both know all the words.
8. Letting the toddler pick out which colors for her to use and which ones for me to use so we could paint our nails. She tried to get daddy to paint his too. Orange and pink for her, blue and green for me, in case you were wondering. Daddy passed on the black she picked for him.
9. The random text from one of my best friends, whom I only get to see via facebook and text because he lives so far away; "I'm totally not thinking about you right now."
10. This:

To be honest, I had to walk away from this for a while because I couldn't come up with ten things while in this stupid funk. So I packed up the toddler and got out of the house for a bit.

Fresh air is a good thing. I pondered the list while driving to pick up the tween. And came up with more than ten things. And THAT made me smile. I was reminded  what I need to make ME happy. 

And what I don't need. 

I don't need The Things. The Things that we can't afford to buy or to do, those aren't important to me. But sometimes I forget that. Sometimes, too often lately, I get caught up in other people's expectations of what my life should be, where we should be at right now, the reminders of what we don't have. 

And it makes me feel  awful. 

It makes me feel like this life the hubs and I have created is wrong, that we've failed, somehow. That even though I'm smart, articulate, run a business that I love, have a family that I am proud of, kids that I actually LIKE to  be around ... it just isn't enough. 

But it is enough. It's enough because those are the things that matter to me. Nobody's life is perfect, and the people that make me feel like my life isn't, well that is pretty much their problem and I need to stop letting it be mine. Those people suck.

What I need to make me happy is people. People that don't suck. People that are happy and positive. People that laugh and love and remind me, every so often, to stop taking things so seriously. 

And I have those people. They hug me. They call me, text me, facebook me, skype me, and occasionally laugh at me.

And they make memories with me. Memories that make me smile. And I love them for it. I need them for it.

I might also need a little bit more vodka, but that is a whole different list.