Bullying in the tween world

The tween is having a bit of a problem with one of his classmates at school. Most days, when I pick him up from school, the first ten minutes or so are spent listening to him vent about one particular classmate. It's frustrating and heartbreaking and reminds me why I absolutely hate recess at the older elementary ages. The politics of 4th, 5th and 6th grade kids ... oy. It makes my heart hurt. Both of my boys were/are always way more stressed about the social complexities of recess than about school work.

Mostly the current issues revolve around the daily football or soccer game. Said kid won't pass the ball to my tween, tells the others not to pass him the ball because he's not very good. He "can't catch", he "can't score", "don't pick him for your team" or "don't let him play with us, he sucks."

I really don't like this kid.

I don't really think that whether my son is a good athlete or not should even be relevant in this story.

He is a good person, he loves sports and he wants to play them with his friends. This kid is taking the fun out of it. I mean come on; it's recess.

So today, during the daily football game, this kid told all the other kids that he'd seen my son at soccer try-outs last spring and that he didn't make the team because he sucked at soccer.

The mama bear in me just about lost it when I heard this, especially listening to him try to choke the words out without giving in to the frustrated tears. I gave him a hug. A big bear hug that I didn't want to let go.

Because he was embarrassed.

For not making a select team.

He's ten, for crying out loud!

I asked him, again, why he continues to play with this kid. But the answer never changes. "Mom, I'm not trying to play with him, but we all want to play football/soccer and there is only one ball. The recess teachers say we have to let everyone play."

We hugged some more, because I just needed to keep him close. We talked about a lot of things, about how proud I am of the person he is today. About what a good sport he is with his own soccer team and how proud we are that he is out there giving so much effort trying to better his skills. Eventually I got him smiling. He even laughed a couple times, and he shifted gears a bit, felt better about things.

But I still can't let it go.

This is my sweet, empathetic child, the one who feels everyone else's emotional pain as much as his own. He is getting a rough lesson right now, and I want it to stop.

But I know I can't fix it. I know that I can only give him the tools, then he has to figure out how to apply them. This is part of growing up.

I hate it.

It sucks.

I know there are bigger things at stake here, on all sides. This other kid is turning in to a bit of a bully. At some point, I might have to start chatting with some teachers. More importantly though, I need to make sure my son can hold his head up at school, be proud of himself and the things that he has achieved. And I need to help him understand that he cannot let anyone else define him, that he needs to respect himself and love himself and find the strength from within to deal with this, or any, adversity.

That's heavy stuff for the end of the night.

Thankfully, though, there is twitter. I just saw this tweet and it made me laugh. And shift my own gears a bit.

@christine_gibbs: Life is tough. I recommend getting a manicure and a really cute helmet.

So now I will go to bed, perhaps pondering what sort of helmet I need. Because tomorrow is a new day and we're going to kick some ass.


And maybe get a pedicure.