A new list. Of things I hate. Kind of.

Last week, I wrote a list of ten things that made me smile, inspired in part by my friend Stasha and her Monday Listicles. This week, I decided to link up and actually write something on topic. So this week I bring you "Ten Things I Am Rubbish At" (is it possible to say rubbish without an accent? I don't think so), which I have also partially interpreted as "Things I Hate." Because I hate things I am not good at.

There might be swearing in this post, for those of you new to ... me. You have been warned.

1. Cooking. Cooking requires patience, and focus. And measuring. And knives and hot things. And at the end of it, it should probably all come together and be appetizing and look ... edible. I'm not really good at any of that. So the husband cooks. That may or may not be intentional, I will not say.
2. Sleeping. I always think of Greg Behrendt saying "how can you fuck up sleeping?" I don't know how, but I do. And it's annoying. I wake up achy and sore, sometimes I pull muscles. And I sleep in little increments. Its more like a bunch of naps strung together than a refreshing nights sleep. Thank god for caffeine. And vodka, but that doesn't have anything to do with sleep.
3. Running. I am training for a half marathon right now. I say training like you should be impressed, but in reality, I manage to get out about twice a week, sometimes three times. And I tend to walk more than I run. And I haven't actually signed up for the half marathon that I have committed to, and talked other friends into doing (friends who have already signed up). Sigh. I hate running. 
4. Crafting. I admire those of you that can channel your inner Martha Stewart. I have friends in the wedding industry who make the cutest stuff. I even pin things that I would someday like to make. But these things, too, require focus. And patience. And a willingness to ... get sticky, and make a mess. And I just can't be sticky. Or messy. But I like play-doh.
5. Living in the moment. I am a planner. I need to know all scenarios of a situation, and preferably the expected outcome, before I can fully be present and enjoy myself. Is that weird?
6. Anything that requires coordination. I am NOT coordinated. I bruise easily. I am not graceful. 'nuff said.
7. Relaxing. I don't understand this concept.
8. Competitions.  I am a very, very bad loser. I'm sure it's because I am an only child and my parents let me win at everything (right?). So we've all learned, in my house, that we don't play games unless there is a very good chance that I will win. It's best when everyone just accepts that as part of the package when they invite me to play.
9. Sharing. This is not a trait I had to learn until I had a kid of my own, got married (yes, in that order) and actually had other people not only living with me, but expecting that whole "what's mine is yours" thing to MEAN something.WTF?! The last cookie is ALWAYS mine. Deal.
10. Navigation. My bff and I, on our first trip to San Francisco, got on the BART to go meet some friends. It took us about 20 (ish) minutes (maybe longer, we were chatting) to realize we had got on the wrong train, going in the wrong direction. And two hours later, when we finally arrived at our original destination, we also realized we could have walked there, we hadn't even needed the train. If you are giving me directions and say things like "head north," know that I am tuning you out. Say things like "turn left at the green house with the toilet seat in the yard." This I will understand.

There you have it. Ten things I am rubbish at.

I am, however, quite good at vodka.

Can you be good at vodka?

Yep, I'm sure it's possible. And I am.