Toddler sharing

Toddler: Can I have a candy mom?

Me: Sure honey, but just one.
Toddler: Okay. Thanks mom!

Later, after she has sorted through what is left of the Halloween grossness ...

Toddler: Here mom, I brought you a brown tootsie roll and I get to have a pink one.
Me: Thank you honey, that's sweet of you to share.

Later, after she has finished her pink one and notices my brown one is still sitting next to me ...

Toddler: Mom, how come you haven't eaten your tootsie roll?
Me: Well, actually honey, I don't really like tootsie rolls.
Toddler: Why?
Me: They just aren't my favorite. I'd rather have a chocolate or something if I am going to have a treat.
Toddler: Oh. *pause* Well, do you just want me to eat it then?

Ever the generous gifter she is. :)

Sprechen sie Englisch?

The tween and the husband are in Germany right now without me, having a great time. I'm happy for the bonding experience this is providing them. It's an amazing opportunity for the tween (hubs has been there many times) and I know it will be a life changing trip. Travelling Europe will open up the world to him in a way reading history books will not. I am so jealous proud of him and his adventurous spirit. Germany is one of my favorite places in the world, and I'm not there I'm excited for him to develop the same passion.

We hope to move there someday. The husbands job while he is there is to investigate the reality of moving. I'm pretty sure he's more focused on enjoying all that German beer.

The day they left was a little lonely here. The oldest has gone off to college and is having wonderful adventures, meeting new friends and learning how to conquer the world. With the other two boys gone, it left me and the toddler to hang out for a week. That first night was a little pitiful. Oreos and vodka for dinner helped.

Here are some of the pictures they've texted me, so you can see how much fun they are having without me.

From left to right, the tween is enjoying his first schnitzel (omigod yum). The tween enjoying the Rhine river scenery. Hubs and tween in Nürnberg at Zeppelin Field (Hitler's rally grounds) after touring the Documentation Center (now that is some first person history!)

In the above pics they are getting ready to go up the Zugspitze (the highest peak in Germany) in a cable car. The one on the right, you can sort of see a tiny little spec that is the husband, right by the cross.

To me though, the highlight of this adventure was today. He spent the night with some family friends (their daughter comes out here for a month every summer, so she's like his big sister), then he got to go to school with one of the boys! He got up with them and took the bus to school (mind you, he doesn't actually speak German, and the boys don't speak very good English) and went to four classes - German, English (he said he was the best student in the English class!), Biology ("mom, they only spoke German, it was pretty boring") and Sport (where they played soccer, yay!). We planned ahead and brought some candy that is very American (thank god it's Halloween and the bags of candy are easily found and cheap) to share with the kids in the English class and they were apparently very much looking forward to having him there.

I just think this is so cool. How many kids get to fly all the way to Germany for a sleepover and a one day adventure in a German school?? What memories!!

I got the picture (below) via facebook once he was all settled in, just to let me know he was happy and comfortable.

I love these two!!

Anyway, my boys only have a couple days left. I've mostly gotten over the fact that I'm not there with them, and know I will get to go back one day. Plus, they went shopping at the Adidas outlet today (they are in the town that Adidas and Puma were founded!!), so I know they are bringing me some goodies.

That helps.

Well, that and the vodka. Of course.

Prost!!

Can we get a new car?

Toddler: "Mom, can we get a new car? Because I want one that flies."

Me: "Ummm ..."

Toddler: "So we can have three cars, because I need one that flies. Let's go to the new car station now."

In My Mind

It's World Suicide Prevention Day (you should know, for the record, that I am NOT suicidal). It makes me sad that we have to have a day to acknowledge that this is a horrible thing we must stop. That to somebody, you are everything. It sucks that everyone can't see how important they are.

I am going through some crazy stuff right now and depression and suicidal thoughts are definitely something the doctors are watching me closely for (side effects of the medication - yeah, it's been fun). I've had to check out of my life this last week, which has been tough for all of us. But we'll survive. I am not going crazy. Depression lies. The panic attacks can be managed.

It's all worth it.

Today the bloggess posted this piece, and the picture on the right ... I can't stop looking at it. Click the link. I want to do that, is that weird?

And then the song.

"How strange to see that I don't wanna be the person that I want to be."

She speaks to me.

Also, I love her hair. I'm totally chopping mine off.

Hug someone today. Tell someone they are important. Be there, look around, notice the little things. Live in the moments, not the minutes. Because its all worth it.

Mom, I need to clean my thumbs

In the car on the way home from the grocery store ...

Toddler: "Mom, I need to clean my thumbs" as she holds them both up in that "thumbs up" sign.

Me: "Umm, okay. We can clean them as soon as we get home."

A few minutes later, as I am unbuckling her from the car seat, I look closer at her thumbs.

Me: "Are those buggers?"

Toddler: in her sassy, 'duh' voice, "Yeaaah"

Me: "Did you pick your nose with your thumbs?"

Toddler: "Mmm-hmm"

Me: "With your thumbs? Weird"

Toddler: "Well mom, we were in the car."

Me: "You have to pick your nose with your thumbs in the car?"

Toddler: "Duh"

And thus, the life of a mom.

Kidlet gems

Tween: "Mom, do we have anything we can pawn?"
Obviously we've been watching a lot of Pawn Stars, Auction Hunters and Storage Wars.

Toddler: "Moooom, I don't have to eat dinner! I'm just going to eat junk food and get fat."

Me: "What do you guys want for dinner?"
Tween after a lengthy list of ideas that I shot down: "How about drumsticks?"
Toddler in her exasperated, 'duh' voice: "Those are for playing Rockband."

Tween: "Hey, can we do this to our barbecue?"

Its on my bucket list to go to the shooting range and fire some guns, so there have been a lot of conversations recently about the various aspects of when and what kind of gun. During the Olympics, we were discussing the shooting competitions.

Me: "I'm really fascinated watching these events, I can't wait to shoot a gun."
Tween: "I want to shoot a bow and arrow."
Toddler: "I want to shoot an animal."
WTF?

Tik Tok

I can't stop watching this. And I'm not even a big Trekkie. Take a moment, please, and enjoy it with me.

What a week!

It's been a hell of a week. Full of emotional ups and downs, tears of joy and of pain ... I'm exhausted and it's only Wednesday.

The fun started Saturday night. First there was this:

Watching, from the comfort of the upper deck, a wedding at a venue that friends of mine own. Isn't that an awesome campfire pit? Once the wedding was over, we went down and roasted marshmallows ourselves. Awesome.

Then it was time to go home. As I was walking back down the stairs, I tripped. And now, this is how I spend my days:

With a broken foot.

We spent Sunday morning in the ER (because I refused to go when I got home Saturday night). The orthopedist doesn't want to see me until next week, to let the swelling go down. That's all I know. It sucks. But the pain is lessening, so that's good.


So then Tuesday rolls around, and this happened (as you may have seen on facebook, twitter, yesterdays blog post, or even the Times):

which was pretty freaking amazing. I feel I've gone on quite a lot about this in various forms of media, so you all get the drift there.

Not to be out of the spotlight for long, the tween had his own way of getting attention. After two eight hour days of intense soccer camp, he came home Tuesday afternoon not feeling well. We'd stocked him up, we thought, with Gatorade and water and the right kind of foods (this is not our first rodeo folks), but he was clearly dehydrated. We were on him the rest of the night about drinking more fluids, but at that point it was too late. About twenty minutes after he went to bed he started violently vomiting and off he and hubs went to the ER.


Which, by the way, just about killed me. Damn broken foot.


So today, recovery for him looked like this:

Follow up doctor visit. No camp. Note the messy hair, bags under his eyes, and the two ER bracelets on his wrist. Conclusion - either a stomach bug or dehydration. Presents the same. Treats the same.

Quite a week. Let's hope it settles down a bit. I'm not sure how you top watching your kid meet the President. And let's not even think about how it could be worse - we just know that it is possible and hope the good mojo stays and the bad juju goes far away.


Cheers folks. I'm ready for bed.

Chatting up the President

Holy hell you guys! Tonight I sat on my couch (with my broken foot elevated ... more on that later) and watched my son, on live TV, shake the presidents hand and talk to him.

You guys!! My son. Met. POTUS!!

Who does that?

My son. The teenager. Did I mention that?

From the Seattle PI footage

He got to watch Air Force One land at Boeing Field. Then he got to walk onto the tarmac (!!!!) and wait at the bottom of the stairs (!!!!) as Obama debarked. He shook his hand, chatted a bit, laughed. They had a moment.

Here is some raw video footage, he's at the 1:20 mark. The angle sucks, I'm waiting for another news channel to post with a better angle. But still. Holy hell.

And what, you may be asking, did they say to each other? From his facebook page:

I thanked him for his support of marriage equality. He told me absolutely, that it was a "priority issue."

You may also be asking HOW he got to be part of this group. It was a thank you from the Obama for America (OFA) campaign for all his hard work - the whole group on the tarmac were campaign volunteers.

Sweet!

I don't remember the last time we were all together around the tv, watching something. Okay, granted one of us was actually ON the TV, but it counts as a significant family moment. The toddler kept waving at the TV, calling his name. The tween actually wished he WAS his brother (um, wow). Hubs and I held hands. I choked up a bit.

Eek!!

What a surreal day.



PS I'm trying to buy a copy of the above picture, it's the best one I've found online (though I've seen lots). I'll probably want multiple prints, so don't be surprised to see it as a magnet on the side of my car. Or on the back of my t-shirt. Maybe as earrings. Ooooh, on my flask even!

Guessing games with the toddler

Today on the way to the parade, the kids decided to play "Guess That Animal". It was the toddler's turn to give the clues.

"I have no legs and I stand up like a scarecrow."


Ummm ...


Any guesses?


You're wrong.


She was a walrus.

Running a half marathon

Last weekend I ran a half marathon. And when I say ran, I mean it in the same way that I say "I'm going to run to the neighbors to see if they have any vodka."

I am not a natural runner. I like to run the occasional 5k, but mostly because 
1. it's usually for a good, charitable cause that I believe in 
2. I can wear a tu-tu 
3. I like people standing on the streets cheering me on as I run by. It motivates me. 


I've said it before and I will continue to preach this message - if my neighbors would all come outside in the morning as I run by and cheer me on, I would TOTALLY become a more active runner.

But they don't. So mostly I hit the snooze button, then curse myself the rest of the day for not getting my exercise out of the way earlier. It's really all my neighbors fault.

When this whole running 13 miles thing came about, it involved a few glasses of wine, as most poorly made decisions do. My friend was talked into it and decided it was something we should suffer through together. Conveniently, she fractured her foot a few weeks before and wasn't able to run the race.

I did actually train for this run. For months. I got out at least three days a week, more often five or six. I recruited friends to run the race with me. I found other friends to cheer me on from afar, offering me advice and tips as the event got closer.

On the day of the race, I ended up running the entire damn thing alone. None of my friends were able to make it, for a variety of reasons. The people I caravaned with ended up in "corrals" closer together, and farther from me. But listening to them all talk about how they hadn't trained at all, I felt like I could probably catch up to them at some point.

I was in corral 45. Of 47. Which meant that, though the "competitive runners" started at 7:00, my corral didn't get to cross the start line until after some of the half marathoners had FINISHED. The first runner finished in 1:06 (for real!!! That ... I just am amazed). I didn't get to start until after 8:20 (which, for those of you bad at math, would be about 15 minutes after the first runner finished). I had cooled down by that point; I had mentally psyched myself out in completely the wrong direction.

But I managed to cross the start line with a smile, and not much trepidation. When I hit the 5k mark, I was feeling pretty good. Even at the 10k mark I was doing okay. By the 15k mark, not so much. I took a picture of the 15k sign, texted it to my friend (the one with the broken foot, the one who started this whole damn thing) with the message 'I hate you'.

About the 11 mile mark my iPod died. Physically, I was hurting. I could barely lift my legs. Emotionally I was spent, I was my own worst enemy, telling myself I couldn't do it. I didn't have anything left in me. I just wanted to curl up in a ball and cry. Then I'd watch a marathoner run past me, and feel like a complete failure for wanting to give up.


When I crossed the finish line, I was expecting some sort of euphoric high. Angels singing, the clouds parting, some sort of weight lifted off my shoulders. Maybe even a pinata filled with little bottles of liquor.


Nothing.


I pretty much just wanted to dissolve into a puddle. The group I was with, they had all finished about an hour before me (remember, they started way before me too, in an earlier corral). They were chatty and sort of recovered and ready to go. So off we went, to lunch. I was still shaking.


In the car, we all got our times (via text, they'd been posted online). All of them, this group that hadn't trained, beat me by at least 30 minutes, if not more. I was feeling pretty bad about myself. 


When I finally got hold of my husband at lunch, I dissolved into tears. I cried in the shower when I got home. I cried again, trying to find the energy to get dressed after my shower. This surprised me the most, all this emotion oozing out of me. All day long (actually, from about mile 10.5), I kept saying to myself, and everyone who asked me, "I will never do this again."

In hind site, I was obviously not ready. I should have listened to myself, more than my crew of people telling me I could do it. I should have done more research on the effect a distance run has on you, I was totally unprepared for that. It pretty much sucked. 


So I learned a few lessons that I want to share with those of you crazy enough to want to run a (half) marathon. 
1. Marathoners are serious runners. No tu-tus. Bummer.
2. Bring a protein bar or two to eat during the race. About mile 8 I ran out of energy and started to shake (I have hypoglycemia, this should have occurred to me). Afterwards, I heard from many runners that they felt the same way, but had brought their own snacks in their fancy little running belts. Who knew those were for a purpose.
3. Do the math. If you are in corral 45, and the race info says they will be starting in waves, wake up, warm up and eat accordingly. You will not be starting at 7:00, there is no need to get up at 4:30, to be at the race by 6:00. And also, if you have asthma, take your inhaler accordingly. Asthma attacks along the course are not cool.
4. Do not run a distance race alone. It sucks, and you turn into your own worst enemy.
5. Make sure you have a posse of people to hug you as you cross the finish line. You will need some love. You will need that moment to relish in what you've just done.
6. Make sure your iPod will keep a charge for several hours.
7. The serious runners discard their clothing along the way. Seriously. People come along with garbage bags to collect all the clothing and donate them to charity. Apparently, marathoners also have lots of money, because running clothes are freaking expensive. 


So that's it. It's over now, and though I still don't have that sense of pride I expected, I have happily checked "distance run" off my life list. 


Now I am on to the next race - a nice little community 5k. A race with crowds of people lining the course, runners in crazy outfits, and people not so intent on the competitive aspect of running, as much as the community aspect of being together and doing something good.


I'll be in a tu-tu, of course.

Graduation, and other stuff.

Last week was a crazy blur of activity and emotion. The teenager graduated from high school (with a list of honors, because he's awesome), that pretty much overshadowed all of everything. But there are other kids in the house, and they did their best to hold their own. So for all of them, here is our week in pictures.


At school, the tween's class had their first annual international day. There are so many different cultures in his class; all the kids got to bring in something traditional to their families, the parents were invited, and we all got a most fabulous lunch. Brilliant idea, I hope we can do it again next year!

The tween is playing premier soccer this year, so we live and breathe soccer at our house. Last week, at keeper training, the toddler found some tackling dummies to keep her busy (she also did some laps with one of the girls teams on the field, they pretty much loved it).

My cousin sends his daughter from Hawaii to spend a few weeks in the summer with her grandparents. I got to steal her away for a couple days, because the kids love love love her.

The big moment of the week, the one we've been counting down to for months, finally arrived. The teenager has officially graduated from high school. Holy cow, so much emotion. Look at that smile!!

And because it was a big day for us too, the four of us parents congratulated ourselves for surviving the last 18 years, together. Yay us, we did it too!!

Not to be outdone by her big brother, the toddler had her first ever dance recital. She loved getting dressed up, loved going on stage, and she LOVED sitting in the crowd with us after the intermission to watch the big kids dance. It was pretty much the epitome of cuteness.

15 Things to Give Up

I saw this on facebook today and it struck a chord with me. I've been struggling a lot with stress and depression and anxiety for some big personal reasons, but I do my best every morning to start my day on a positive note. It's not always easy, it doesn't always last, but I try. We all have our baggage, everyone has a story. And these days my story has been particularly challenging.

We ALL have a story. We have all survived, or are in the process of surviving, something.

So I saw this today and it made me smile. And I think I might want to post this on the fridge for the next few weeks, just to remind me of ways to find the happy on those more challenging days.

I'll put it right next to the vodka bottle.

Time to Change Your Attitude

I wish more people understood this.

Thought of the Day: Time to Change your Attitude

"Each day may not be a good one,
But there’s something good in every day.
The difference is usually our attitude.
Look for the positive.
You’ll find then the positives will shine through.
They will act as sign posts to navigate through the dark times."

Thanks to the ISS blog for posting this! I felt it was timely and pertinent, and a good reminder for all.

Recapping the Presidential visit

The Seattle Times posted an article this morning about Sue Black (the teen's bio teacher) introducing Obama at the Paramount yesterday afternoon. Other than the fact that they got the teenagers details wrong (he actually IS part of the campaign), the article is informative about Sue and her journey. Read it here.

At the event itself, the teen didn't get to meet the POTUS, but it was an amazing day, and to watch his teacher experience such a monumentous event ... he was a bit like a proud parent. It wouldn't have happened without his intervention, without him interviewing her in the first place. Talk about a proud parent ... he was this catalyst to a once in a lifetime experience for her. Holy wow.

He took a bunch of pictures and left the files on my computer. So I stole a few to share with you all. Enjoy.

Yeah, that would be Dave Matthews. Singing before the president comes on stage.

A very fitting picture of Sue Black, she has a lot of energy.

Holy cow, she's hugging the president! So cool!

Press craziness!

What a crazy adventure! So proud of this "kid" and all that he is experiencing!!

Hanging with the President, part 2

A couple months ago the teenager submitted a blog post on one of his teachers, Suzanne Black, to the Obama for America website.

A few weeks ago, some of the higher-ups in the Washington state chapter of the campaign were discussing who should introduce Obama at an upcoming local fundraising event. Suzanne's name was thrown into the mix because of the blog post Austin wrote. They called Austin to get some more information about her and eventually she was picked.

Today, Suzanne Black will be introducing Barack Obama at the Paramount theater. Dave Matthews will be performing as well. And the teenager will be there to take it all in. With his camera. Wearing his brand new suit that "he" bought to wear to prom.

Earlier this week, when he finally got the approval from the higher ups to be at the event, we had the following conversation.

Teen: I got approved! I get to go see the President again!

Me: Do you think you'll get a chance to meet him?

Teen: Maybe

Me: If you do, you better get a picture.

Teen: I'll try

Me. Um, no. There is no try. If you meet the president and there is not a picture to document it, I will not pay for college.

Teen: (LoLing) Okay! I'll make sure someone takes a picture.

Me: Good. Now get your head out of the clouds and go do the dishes.

The teen, with the Governor of Washington state last month. No big deal.

What a ride this kid is on. He's only 18. I can't wait to see what he does next.

Toddler Goodness

Hubs, toddler and I were curled up on the couch after nap time today. Hubs hadn't shaved in a few days (vacations are wonderful). The toddler was trying to pick at his stubble.

Toddler: "Daddy has sparkies"

Then she sighed. And under her breath, with all the right inflections, she whispered "GodDammit."

It took a good five minutes for Hubs and I to regain our composure.

*****

Hubs was at the grocery store with the toddler this afternoon. She was in the cart, singing "I'm sexy and I know it" - just the one line, with a few of the beats thrown in. Over and over. Other people in the store were chuckling as they went by. Hubs looked at her and said, "I'm going to have to have a talk with Mommy about the music she lets you listen to."

Her response, "But daddy ... I'm sexy and I know it."

The mom nearby was amused.

Hubs was not, so much.

******

As I was tucking the toddler in to bed tonight, she says to me, "Mommy, when I grow up I get to have a penis."

"No, babe, only boys have a penis."

Todder: Sigh

Me: "When you grow up, you get to have breasts."

Toddler: *gasp* "Yay!!!" *clapping hands* *big hug*

It's the little things in life that make you happy

Tween fashion

Today's outfit is brought to you by the tween, and I am BUMMED I didn't take a picture of it. I'll do my best to paint the picture ...

He is at soccer camp today (we're on spring break). It was raining HARD when we left the house this morning.

He came out of his room wearing his orange nylon shorts, that are not of the athletic variety. They are more like a hiking short and I hate them. They are orange, did I mention that? And he's going to play soccer for three hours in them.

He was also wearing his blue and red zip up Adidas nylon soccer jacket over a white under armour shirt. White socks, guards & cleats.

So far we are wearing orange, navy blue, and red. And white.

To keep himself warm in this rainy weather, he topped it off with his purple, fur-lined, Husky hat with the ear flaps. Sort of like this, only purple with a big UW logo on the front.

Seriously, best outfit I've seen in a while. I'll try and take a photo when I pick him up, but by then the hat will be drenched and probably tucked into his soccer bag (or left on the field).

Worst. Date. Ever.

One of the local radio stations has a contest going right now for a Marriage Vow Renewal in Scottsdale, AZ. To enter, you have to talk about the worst date you ever had with your spouse.

We both, immediately, knew what story we wanted to share.

When the husband and I first hooked up, he was going to college about four hours away from me. We’d known each other for years and this long distance thing was exactly what we (I) needed at this particular time in our (my) lives. We talked on the phone a lot, and spent random weekends together when we could.

One weekend he decided he wanted to do something extra special. He’d saved up his money and wanted to take me out to dinner at the Space Needle (where I’d never eaten), then he made reservations at a very swanky hotel downtown for a little romantic getaway. We were both very much looking forward to our “weekend away” and had been excitedly counting down to it for quite some time.

Finally the day arrived. Outfit planned, bag packed for the night … all was going to be perfect. But as I was getting ready I started to feel a little ‘off’.

There was pain. Down there. And it hurt. A lot.

When he finally got to my place to pick me up, I was determined to suck it up and have fun, because this was a BIG. DEAL. But he took one look at me and decided maybe I should call the doctor.

And the doctor told me to head to the ER. Now.

It turns out I had a very severe bladder infection. I'll spare you the gory details.

After a few hours in the ER (in which we missed our dinner reservations), they gave me a prescription for the infection. The nurse told me “wear your oldest underwear that you don’t mind getting stained, because it will probably turn them orange.”

Sexy.

We decided to head to the hotel anyway. Even if our romantic weekend had changed course, it would still be more fun to laze around (in my oldest, grungiest underwear) in a swanky hotel rather than in my little apartment.

When we got to the hotel to check in to our reserved room, it turns out that they didn’t have any rooms available. More people than expected had decided to stay an extra night, and that, apparently, overshadowed our reservation. But they’d be happy to put us up in a different hotel at no charge.

Fine. Whatever. I just want to take my meds and be miserable in peace.

I mean, I just wanted to cuddle with the boyfriend.

The new hotel overlooked the freeway. It was an all-suites hotel, but it was a far cry from the elegance of the former hotel. After we checked in we realized that, late as it was, we still needed to eat dinner. So we tried to order up some room service.

The kitchen was closed for the night.

At our new locale, overlooking I-5¸we weren’t in walking distance to any kind of actual restaurant. So the then-boyfriend ran down to a nearby convenience store. Instead of our romantic seated dinner for two in our fancy dress clothes overlooking the city, we ate things like chips and salami and cheese from a plastic container. Curled up in our suite, listening to the romantic sounds of passing cars on the freeway. In my hole-y, gross underwear. That was beginning to turn orange.

Sexy.

I'm totally going to blog that

The tween wants to play a new x-box game. We do not play x-box games on school nights. But he's trying.

I told him we couldn't tonight, but I wanted him to give me a hug and tell me how much he loved me.

Tween: "Um ... I love you taller than the  ... uh ... I love you more than ... um ..."

Me: "Wow."

Tween: "No, I'm trying to remember the words from that book."

Me: "I know what you are trying to do, but I want to hear something from you, not a book."

Tween: "Okay. Um. I love you tastier than the tastiest pizza ever known."

Me: "I'm totally going to blog that."

Moooom. Please.

The toddler and I decided to walk to school this afternoon to pick up the tween (rather than drive). Though I love the fresh air and exercise, it annoys the tween because he then has to lug his cello home. It's such a burden.

Picture from last fall. When it was sunny and pretty out. Also note that his backpack is not with him, which means he's thrown it in his sister's stroller as he can't be burdened with BOTH the cello and the backpack.

Today he says to me, "Mom, can I push the stroller?"

Me: "No. I'm not going to carry your cello for you. You are the one that picked the cello, you have to carry it home."

Tween: "Mooom!" (in that whiny, frustrated voice) "Please."

Me: "No."

Tween: "Gah. Can't you just do it for once?"

For once. As though I don't do anything for him usually. Oh, teenage years, I see you looming. Stay far away from my charming, sensitive, funny little boy.

A bit later he was telling the toddler that she was so lucky to be nestled into her stroller (it was a bit windy, and starting to rain). And that someday she would be in fifth grade and have to carry her heavy instrument home while her little brother got to ride in the stroller.

Um. Pardon me. Her little brother? She does not currently, nor will she ever, have a little brother.

Where does he come up with these things?

Depression is a bitch

Panic attacks, anxiety, stress, depression. I'm so over it. I am tired of fighting these emotions every day. I don't want to lose myself in them. I won't let myself, because I've watched others get lost in it and felt how much it hurts on the outside, looking in. But it's a tough, uphill battle.

I am thankful to other bloggers out there who are open and honest about these same struggles. I appreciate the posts on the days when they just need to retreat into themselves, because it reminds me I'm not alone. I appreciate when I see them fight to break out and feel alive and am inspired to find my own visual reminders (*ahem* Jane. Lets set up that crime scene like shot. And Craig, I'm pretty sure I need a series of red dress shots too). I appreciate when they share the reminders that some days we should just be thankful to FEEL.

I am so grateful to my friends who take the time to sit with me and tell me that, in their eyes, I AM superwoman. And to the friends who talk me through the serious stuff, because they've been there too. And to my husband, who is genuinely floored that I can't see the amazing things he sees in me. I need to hear these things. I've learned that sometimes I just need to get offline, get out of the house, put myself out there in the real world and embrace the hugs.

Last night, I stumbled upon the best stress reliever. It was better than the weekly massages the doctor has prescribed to me. When we were done, we felt so zen, so empowered, so alive. For just a little while all the aches and the stress and the ick was lost, replaced by a peace and happiness that can not be belittled.

The power of a little physical redecorating is amazing. It's not for everyone, but for us it was a much needed break from the daily crap we are each dealing with. And it's a permanent reminder for us both that we need to shine, that we are loved, and that we are awesome.

Sometimes, we all need to be reminded of those things.

Fashion queen v.3

The toddlers morning outfit.

Halloween "Candy makes me happy" shirt. Pink & green striped leggings. One pink slipper and one gold, laced princess slipper. White windbreaker. Bubbles.

What day is it?

Conversation with the husband this morning:

Hubs: Do we have anything going on tonight?

Me: What day is it today, honey ...

Hubs: Tuesday.

Me: And the date ...

Hubs: The - oh. Happy Anniversary honey.

Me: I love you too.

Happy Anniversary to the hubs. It's been magical.

The Quotable Post

I'm a little annoyed right now.

"I prefer an interesting vice to a virtue that bores." | Moliere  

I don't necessarily want to discuss it.

"Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again." | Robert A Heinlein 

But I'm tired of the stress.

"All the things I really like are either immorral, illegal, or fattening." | Alexander Woollcott, American critic

I'm tired of feeling like this.

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day." | Frank Sinatra

So I'm perusing a book the teenager left on the table, called The Quotable A**hole.

"Some people are like Slinkies: not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs." | Unknown

And I'm enjoying the hell out of it.

"If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, they can sure make something out of you." | Muhammad Ali

It's improving my outlook on the day.

"Life is the boring bit between the hangover and the opening time" | Michael O'Brien, American Poet

The vodka is helping as well.

"People who drink to drown their sorrow should be told that sorrow knows how to swim." | Ann Landers 

Teenager saving the world

The teenager has a crazy cool to-do list these days.

For one, he's working with the Washington chapter of Obama for America, and recently had his first interview published on their site. His next interview should be up soon (he's working on it now), he interviewed one of his teachers. I'll put up a link to it when it's posted, it's a really powerful piece. Tomorrow he will be covering (and live tweeting) the Obama For American Regional Team Convention (to help organize the volunteers).

Taken at Boeing, in the press area, when he went
to see the president speak a few weeks ago.

He's also working with his high school GSA chapter, helping them organize the Day of Silence both at his school and at the district level (!!!).

In his spare time he is helping to launch an anti-discrimination campaign in the district. He's meeting with various junior high principal's over the next week to start GSA chapters at that level. Next week he's speaking at a staff meeting at his school to inform them of plans for their Day of Silence as well as meeting with the other high school organizers in the district so they can all be on the same page.

As a personal request from his principal (who is seriously impressed with him these days), he'll be attending a school board lunch as a reporter, to write a story for his high school paper.

Oh, and we are getting college acceptance letters in, he's prepping for his IB tests in May, and trying to keep up on his daily studies.

So, yeah.

That's an impressive, crazy cool, overwhelming to-do list for an eighteen year old.

My agenda for tomorrow? Run a 5K in the morning. Drink beer after. Nap. Go to the Sounders season opener. Drink more beer.

Have a good weekend!

Turning 40

Tonight is my last night in my 30's, which is kind of a weird thought. I'm not really having any issues with turning 40, but all week I've been thinking about that scene in When Harry Met Sally.

No, not that one.

The one where Sally freaks out about how she's going to be 40. Someday.



Because it's just sitting there like a big dead end.

But it doesn't feel like a big dead end. All week I keep thinking I should be a little more traumatized by this big life event.

Maybe watching several other friends celebrate it in such a big way, it's made it exciting. I'm very  much looking forward to my glitter celebration this weekend. And my vodka cake.

Maybe I'm over the "old" thing.

Maybe I have enough other things to stress about, I don't need to create more of it.

It's just a number.

I'm fine.

I'm going to open the expensive wine now. The big magnum size bottle that has been waiting for me.

I'm fine. Really.

A new list. Of things I hate. Kind of.

Last week, I wrote a list of ten things that made me smile, inspired in part by my friend Stasha and her Monday Listicles. This week, I decided to link up and actually write something on topic. So this week I bring you "Ten Things I Am Rubbish At" (is it possible to say rubbish without an accent? I don't think so), which I have also partially interpreted as "Things I Hate." Because I hate things I am not good at.

There might be swearing in this post, for those of you new to ... me. You have been warned.

1. Cooking. Cooking requires patience, and focus. And measuring. And knives and hot things. And at the end of it, it should probably all come together and be appetizing and look ... edible. I'm not really good at any of that. So the husband cooks. That may or may not be intentional, I will not say.
2. Sleeping. I always think of Greg Behrendt saying "how can you fuck up sleeping?" I don't know how, but I do. And it's annoying. I wake up achy and sore, sometimes I pull muscles. And I sleep in little increments. Its more like a bunch of naps strung together than a refreshing nights sleep. Thank god for caffeine. And vodka, but that doesn't have anything to do with sleep.
3. Running. I am training for a half marathon right now. I say training like you should be impressed, but in reality, I manage to get out about twice a week, sometimes three times. And I tend to walk more than I run. And I haven't actually signed up for the half marathon that I have committed to, and talked other friends into doing (friends who have already signed up). Sigh. I hate running. 
4. Crafting. I admire those of you that can channel your inner Martha Stewart. I have friends in the wedding industry who make the cutest stuff. I even pin things that I would someday like to make. But these things, too, require focus. And patience. And a willingness to ... get sticky, and make a mess. And I just can't be sticky. Or messy. But I like play-doh.
5. Living in the moment. I am a planner. I need to know all scenarios of a situation, and preferably the expected outcome, before I can fully be present and enjoy myself. Is that weird?
6. Anything that requires coordination. I am NOT coordinated. I bruise easily. I am not graceful. 'nuff said.
7. Relaxing. I don't understand this concept.
8. Competitions.  I am a very, very bad loser. I'm sure it's because I am an only child and my parents let me win at everything (right?). So we've all learned, in my house, that we don't play games unless there is a very good chance that I will win. It's best when everyone just accepts that as part of the package when they invite me to play.
9. Sharing. This is not a trait I had to learn until I had a kid of my own, got married (yes, in that order) and actually had other people not only living with me, but expecting that whole "what's mine is yours" thing to MEAN something.WTF?! The last cookie is ALWAYS mine. Deal.
10. Navigation. My bff and I, on our first trip to San Francisco, got on the BART to go meet some friends. It took us about 20 (ish) minutes (maybe longer, we were chatting) to realize we had got on the wrong train, going in the wrong direction. And two hours later, when we finally arrived at our original destination, we also realized we could have walked there, we hadn't even needed the train. If you are giving me directions and say things like "head north," know that I am tuning you out. Say things like "turn left at the green house with the toilet seat in the yard." This I will understand.

There you have it. Ten things I am rubbish at.

I am, however, quite good at vodka.

Can you be good at vodka?

Yep, I'm sure it's possible. And I am. 

The teenagers ten year plan

Teen: Mom, I've come up with my ten year plan.

Me: Okay. Let's hear it.

Teen: Well, I have to show you. It's on youtube.

Me: ????

Teen: Just watch.



Me: Umm, I don't understand. How is this your ten year plan?

Teen: I want to be the Emperor. I love how all the storm troopers are lined up to serve & protect him.

Me: Sigh. It's good to have goals honey.

To be fair, he did show me another video first. It was of a light saber battle. I think, before he becomes Emperor, he wants to stage some sort of coup first. With light sabers.

Because that's realistic.

Butter

The toddler loves butter. If there is a stick of butter on the counter, she has been known to stick her finger in it and scoop out as much as she can. To eat. Over. And over. Until she gets caught.

This morning, she asked for a "butter sandwich", which in our house is how she describes two pieces of toast, with butter, stuck together like a sandwich. With the crusts cut off.

All our butter was in the refrigerator still, so I had to throw some, in our butter dish, into the microwave for a few seconds to soften it up. And it got a little softer than I'd planned (as per usual, with anything I do in the kitchen. Never turns out as planned. But I digress). Some of it liquified.

"Mom!" she yelled. "You made butter soup!"

Because I am a most excellent cook.

Conversations with the toddler

Today, as we got home from dance class, we sat at the bottom of the stairs to take off our shoes. The toddler looked over at the brick wall and asked "how did you make that puzzle?"

Realizing she was asking about the pattern, I told her that the people who built our house made it.

"Oh," she says. And after a beat, as she walked up the stairs, she added "Hey mom, did you know that I made that wall? Just like a puzzle. Yep, I did it all by myself."

It's all about how you feel

I went to my friend's 40th birthday party last weekend. At a casino. In my pink wig.

I feel the best way to face 40 is with a pink wig.

My friend had a tiara which is also good (she's wearing it in the picture below). Because you just can't take this age thing seriously.

I believe age isn't about how old you are, it's about how old you feel.

And in a pink wig, how can you feel anything but awesome?

My Happy

I've been a bit sad, overwhelmed, depressed ... very blah the last few days. I am having a hard time snapping out of it. It's nothing terribly serious, just the weight of the world seems to be sitting on my shoulders lately.

It sucks.

So, inspired in part by my friend Stasha's Monday Listicles, I decided to make a list of ten things in the last week that have made me smile. In no particular order.

1. Drag queens, jello shots and two hours in a lingerie store while on vacation with my bff.
2. Buying "more glitter than we've ever sold at one time" at a kids jewelry store in preparation for my upcoming "Dress As Your Favorite Sparkly Vampire" birthday party.
3. The endless laughter (with bff) while playing with said glitter, getting ready for our night out at the drag bar. "I'm going to use this every day."
4. After a weekend of intense discussions and sorting out life's problems, coming home to big, genuine hugs from the teenager, the tween, the husband and the toddler.
5. The teenager's excitement over going to see the president speak, and getting his first article published. Proud mom.
6. The text from hubs that read "[The tween] is cleaning the kitchen. Without being asked. I'm scared."
7. Driving home with my family of five one night, and the mixed look of horror and amusement on their faces as the toddler and I sing along to Wham! Rap (at the toddler's request). We both know all the words.
8. Letting the toddler pick out which colors for her to use and which ones for me to use so we could paint our nails. She tried to get daddy to paint his too. Orange and pink for her, blue and green for me, in case you were wondering. Daddy passed on the black she picked for him.
9. The random text from one of my best friends, whom I only get to see via facebook and text because he lives so far away; "I'm totally not thinking about you right now."
10. This:

To be honest, I had to walk away from this for a while because I couldn't come up with ten things while in this stupid funk. So I packed up the toddler and got out of the house for a bit.

Fresh air is a good thing. I pondered the list while driving to pick up the tween. And came up with more than ten things. And THAT made me smile. I was reminded  what I need to make ME happy. 

And what I don't need. 

I don't need The Things. The Things that we can't afford to buy or to do, those aren't important to me. But sometimes I forget that. Sometimes, too often lately, I get caught up in other people's expectations of what my life should be, where we should be at right now, the reminders of what we don't have. 

And it makes me feel  awful. 

It makes me feel like this life the hubs and I have created is wrong, that we've failed, somehow. That even though I'm smart, articulate, run a business that I love, have a family that I am proud of, kids that I actually LIKE to  be around ... it just isn't enough. 

But it is enough. It's enough because those are the things that matter to me. Nobody's life is perfect, and the people that make me feel like my life isn't, well that is pretty much their problem and I need to stop letting it be mine. Those people suck.

What I need to make me happy is people. People that don't suck. People that are happy and positive. People that laugh and love and remind me, every so often, to stop taking things so seriously. 

And I have those people. They hug me. They call me, text me, facebook me, skype me, and occasionally laugh at me.

And they make memories with me. Memories that make me smile. And I love them for it. I need them for it.

I might also need a little bit more vodka, but that is a whole different list.

The teenagers first byline

This is where the teenager talks about going to see the President speak. His first byline outside of his high school paper. We will find out shortly if it also goes to their print version.

Pretty cool stuff. Click on the picture to go to the article:

Proud mom.

Fashion Queen, vol 2

She picked this outfit so daddy could twirl her. It's a dress. With a tutu type skirt underneath. Her "rock star" sunglasses. And her cat-in-the-hat Valentine hat. And, of course, the pouty face because she didn't want me to take her picture.

Oh, and the Littlest Pet Shop Band-aid on her leg. And her wrist. Because, seriously, every girl needs to accessorize.

Fashion Queen

The toddler has her own sense of style. She must get herself dressed in the morning now, I am rarely allowed input into her outfits. Most mornings I text a picture to the hubs, because they are just that good. Here is today's outfit.

I just don't even know WHICH is my favorite part. Socks on the hands. Flower leggings with the leopard print vest. Mismatched socks with her patent leather dress shoes. Short sleeves on this 38 degree morning.

It's just magical isn't it?

***************UPDATE***************

"Honey, go get your shoes on, it's time to go."